Yvonne "Evidence"

Evidence Yvonne, I think the way in which you experimented with this piece was very creative! I like how the main forms of dialogue and prose are through email and text message. I also like the fact that you used the exact formatting of a Craigslist post, of the email conversation (and its forwarded portion), and of the iPhone text messages. The overall story was very entertaining and fun to read. I assumed that the two characters Darlene and Margret are sisters and Margret is scared of Darlene moving away after she gets married, so she made up this fake story to try to get her to stay. This story is very clever especially the way in which you surrounded it around technology. I wish I could see where the story goes from there because this story could go on with Margret trying another one of her shenanigans but next time on William.

Yvonne "Notes on a Kitchen Table"

Notes on a Kitchen Table Yvonne, I really enjoyed reading this piece!! You did so much with the formatting and even with the way in which the characters are communicating with one another. I like that before the reader gets to the map, the boyfriend’s response is already read. I like that his addition to the note gives somewhat of a foreshadow as to how the story will end when he states, “Towards the end, though, I realized… this isn’t a game. This isn’t one of your stories.” That made me anxious to get to the end of the story. I also like that the note consist of scratch outs and changes along the way—I think that helps the reader to get inside of the characters head. Going through the map was exciting because I felt like I was on a mystery to 1) see what the boyfriend’s answer will be and 2) to see what the girlfriend’s questions are going to be. This piece was really experimental; I actually have no critiques, just that this inspired me to do something that out-of-the-box.

Critique on "Lost"

Lost Gabrielle, I like how you experimented with the idea of a ‘lost’ ad/sign. I like that in the beginning , as I was reading, I thought that it was a lost dog or some type of pet. As I continued I realized that it was a lost ‘friend’. Some of the hints that strayed my mind away from thinking that it was a dog were the eye color, height, and the “markings”. The length of the piece is also a giveaway, but I like the way in which you incorporated a story about the lost friend in this ad. I also like how you play on male and male friendships. I think that is you sectioned off the rest of the piece—for example: “Hobbies”, “Personality”, “Clothing”, etc.—it would flow a bit better and it would continue throughout the story as a lost ad. I also think if you added a picture of some sort it would add to the piece.

Critique on "How to Make Friends"

How to Make Friends Gabrielle, I really liked how you experimented with the formatting of this piece! The format was my favorite part about reading this piece. This “how to” guide is very on point with how a brochure or plantlet would look. The topic of “making friends” is very ‘experimentive’ because most that’s not normally something that needs to be explained how to do. I especially like that you used illustrations in this piece—that really turned it up a notch! As I read this piece, I felt that the wording could have been a bit stronger when being sarcastic.

Critique on "Graffiti"

Graffiti Gabrielle, I like the experimental concept of using graffiti as your topic and your topography. I like how some of the graffiti’d section titles were found in the prose of that section, but I think if keep that pattern consistence it would flow better. I think that instead of the font change on each section title, there could have been actual pictures of graffiti art and/or more information as to who’s speaking and why they’re passionate about graffiti. Some of the title’s that you have for the sections—like “Mad Skillz” for example—used ‘slang’, however the prose in those sections do not. I think if the voice in the prose is supposed to support or speak for the title, then it too would be written in ‘slang’. I think that you could do a lot more with this piece.

Elle: 3rd Critique

Here Lies Love Elle, While reading this, all I could think about was sex, lust, and being in heat. All of the descriptions you give about the interactions between the two characters are very sensual and lustful—in my opinion. I like the way you use color to describe some of the characters—my favorite from this piece, “I am greens and off-whites and a form of yellow; she is Lake Geneva blue and nondescript purple something-or-other” I liked that line; I repeated it three times: once to myself and twice out loud. I think that the formatting and some of the ambiguity in the piece is what makes it experimental.

Elle: 2nd Critique

Excerpts Elle, I get how the title relates to the story—excerpts from the main character’s childhood—however, I am not sure how to understand what’s actually going on in the story. I know that the child is somewhat of the narrator, but it seems that she’s narrating during times where she probably wasn’t comprehensive of what was going on around her. I also understand that the main characters parents are divorced, but again, how can the child tell this story if she must ask her father in the second to last section “why did they split-apart”? I think that the part about the uncle and the other part about the grandmother could have been a bit more explained for the reader—they’re just briefly mentioned and not mentioned again. I like the way in which you put each excerpt in a section and date it, however it doesn’t do much if the reader doesn’t know exactly how to read what’s going on.